How to gain the respect of your wife..

How to gain the respect of your wife..

This question came across our churches men’s group chat not long ago:

“What do I do to get my wife to respect me as the man of my home?”

Yeah, most of our brothers eased away from that question.. while other silently hoped “Please someone answer this one”.

So, I stepped up to the plate.. not because I am the pastor of these men.. but because the question took me back to my earlier years as young man and new husband in Christ. This was the question I was afraid to ask for fear that people would know that I didn’t have a clue. Many years later, I now come to realize that there are many men who are married and struggling to answer this same question: “How do I get my wife to respect me and the leader of my home?” So I stepped up to the plate and spoke)typed) from my heart. Here’s my reply:

“I definitely don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that I was the poster child for getting marriage wrong..  if it was the WRONG thing to do.. that’s what I did.. I didn’t know any better and suffered for it and so did others.. the key to gaining the respect of your wife is to allow her to see you you walk out your commitment to Christ.. trust me.. there is nothing you can do or say that will win them.. you can’t boss’em or buy’em.. everything else will fail.. as a man you must take the “as for me and my house” attitude for Christ.. and then let them see you do the rights things consistently.. not that you have to be perfect but you have to be willing to make the right choices even when it’s not convenient…You have to allow your wife to see you without answers to some of the hard situations in life and then see you go to your source .. God”.  When they see Christ real in you… then they will respect your leadership and your position as head of the home..

While praying with my wife  I am now hearing her say.. “Lord keep your order in our home.. You first, then my husband, then me”.. I could never demand that…. I could only earn that…. through God’s grace.

The key to winning my wife’s respect was my submission to the rule of Christ in my own life which included my confronting my issues as a man. I’m getting a few things right these days but with the sensitivity of knowing that  more growth needed.”



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